The Celts loved the betwixt and between—it’s where all the power of possibility was said to lie. But here I am caught in the betwixt and between of the pain and disappointment of a romance that’s ended and the fear of recreating that pain in one that has yet to begin. Not so powerful a feeling—just powerful icky.
Neil Young’s song Lotta Love plays incessantly in my head these days: So if you are out there waiting, I hope you show up soon. You know I need relating, not solitude. (Luckily, I like Neil Young’s music, so I have not yet been driven to the point of madness by this earworm.)
Looking for insight, I ask about the best state of mind for this soup I’m in, and I draw a wonderful card from The Faerie Oracle called: The Singer of Connection. This is a beautiful card with an even more beautiful meaning. It is the card of spiritual connection and bears this message: “It is only by letting go of all your defenses that you become invulnerable.”
I take that message on a journey to see a few of my guides in the spirit world: a Druid priestess, an Aztec mystic, a Scottish healer, and my Reiki guide—full court press. What am I defensive about and how can I let that go? I ask.
You are afraid you won’t be loved in return, says one. But you already have all the love you could ever possibly need and more, right here. It is already done and already given. All you are asked to do is take this love here and duplicate it in a physical reality. Recreate it in the same way it has been given to you. Love as you have been loved here—unconditionally and without fear.
It is true that I am given amazing gifts of wisdom, insight, healing, love, compassion, and support in non-ordinary reality, and all I ever have to do is show up. I don’t need to be charming or smart or pretty or witty, be the right height or have the right hair color—life is not a talent show, as Y says. I just need to ask, and it’s given. Remarkable, beautiful, life-saving love and understanding, just for showing up.
I open my eyes but continue to drum. (Justen the Bear, Bowyer and Drum Maker made mine.) I go back to singing to my new love. I send him Reiki and the Peace of the Sidhe. I send him the kind of love I have been consistently shown by my guides. I pull towards me the mirror image of that love I already have and already know, and send it air express into this physical reality. Michael Buble’s song runs through my head: I’ll give much more than I get. I just haven’t met you yet.