Took My Love and I Took it Down

Jon Uncategorized

Last Saturday night, new guy and I have a chat about our relationship histories.  He is sitting with his chair pushed so far away from the kitchen table, he is practically on the front porch.  I say:  here’s where I am now: I don’t want to play it safe anymore.  I just want to be brave.

He gives me a blank stare.  Are we talking about this relationship?

Yes, I guess we are.

The dreaded talk.  Okay, let’s light this candle, shall we? 

Well, the upshot of it is about what I expected: needs to play it safe meets needs to be brave.  Not a good match-up. 

So I do the only thing I can do—I walk away.  His retreat is just too painful to watch.  I‘m brave, but I’m not that brave.

You know, I think there is a side to unconditional love that we often forget about.  We want to be unconditional in our giving, but don’t we also need to be unconditional in our receiving? I don’t know.  I’m just standing here trying to remember who I am right now.  A little shell-shocked, yes, but still standing.

This morning in my journey, I am given a new power animal that beckons me into the ocean where it resides—a creature of the deep.  My guide says to me:  The depth is the test.  Not everyone will be willing to go there.  The one who does—he’s the one.

I wade into the water and look beside me.  New guy is there.  I need to go deeper, I say.  I know, he says.  I can’t go any further than this.  I know, I say.  We smile at one another—the thing is we really liked each other.

I dive into the water and swim away.