Last Saturday night, new guy and I have a chat about our relationship histories. He is sitting with his chair pushed so far away from the kitchen table, he is practically on the front porch. I say: here’s where I am now: I don’t want to play it safe anymore. I just want to be brave.
He gives me a blank stare. Are we talking about this relationship?
Yes, I guess we are.
The dreaded talk. Okay, let’s light this candle, shall we?
Well, the upshot of it is about what I expected: needs to play it safe meets needs to be brave. Not a good match-up.
So I do the only thing I can do—I walk away. His retreat is just too painful to watch. I‘m brave, but I’m not that brave.
You know, I think there is a side to unconditional love that we often forget about. We want to be unconditional in our giving, but don’t we also need to be unconditional in our receiving? I don’t know. I’m just standing here trying to remember who I am right now. A little shell-shocked, yes, but still standing.
This morning in my journey, I am given a new power animal that beckons me into the ocean where it resides—a creature of the deep. My guide says to me: The depth is the test. Not everyone will be willing to go there. The one who does—he’s the one.
I wade into the water and look beside me. New guy is there. I need to go deeper, I say. I know, he says. I can’t go any further than this. I know, I say. We smile at one another—the thing is we really liked each other.
I dive into the water and swim away.